Recently, Neil Patrick Harris (aka one of the coolest guys on TV) did a commercial for CBS, the station he works for and the one who’s airing the Super Bowl. Apparently this is ‘pushing’ the gay agenda, and attacking Christianity, because he mimicked the eyeblack schtick that some Christian guy named Tebow does.

If it’s not obvious, I know nothing of football. I like baseball. Knowing this is to my detriment in this moment, I went and looked up who this Tebow guy is and found something amusing. Tim Tebow puts bible verses in silver pen on his eyeblack. Putting aside the fact that Mythbusters proved the eyeblack does absolutely nothing, Tebow’s pushing his own personal belief of Christianity on the field with a shout out to John 3:16, which Google tells me means this: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Personally I’d rather see Romans 12:19, if you’re trying to put fear in the hearts of your opponents, but to each their own. I don’t like that people can push their own personal agendas like that on the field, and yes I know I’m a little hypocritical when I say that I view optional religious devices (wearing a Star of David on a chain) to be in a different place than the required ones (wearing a hijab), but that’s my feeling. I have the same snark when athletes decide to wear a pink armband for breast cancer. Unless the whole team is doing it, please keep your personal agenda on your personal time. In this moment here, you represent the team.

But fine. The NFL is okay with Tebow doing that, then I’m willing to let it pass. I’m not in charge of that. Lets get back to the gay agenda. CBS is airing the Super Bowl, and per usual they’ve roped their stars into doing ads. Neil’s has him with eyeblack and it says “Feb 3, 2013” which is clearly a reference to (a) Tebow and (b) when the Super Bowl airs. Thanks, I didn’t know that, actually. I’ll stay off the road.

Apparently this is “mocking Christianity” and CBS is “pushing the gay agenda.”

I didn’t know the stupid had gotten this bad, probably because I ignore the hell out of football, but seriously. What the fuck, people? Does Tebow represent his entire team when he puts those letters on his face? Does he represent all Christians, or even all of his Church? Of course not! He represents nothing more than himself! And if his team said “Tim, today you need to put ‘NY JETS’ on your face.” he’d probably argue, but most of us would shrug and say “Okay.” Because it would be our job.

If Simon said “Mika, I want you to play in a flag football game for work and have ‘DREAM HOST’ under your eyes.” I would do it, and probably get a giggle about it. Would DreamHost be pushing a gay agenda? No! Would I? No! DreamHost would be capitalizing on an apparently well known personality that has to do directly with football? Sure would! And that’s what CBS is doing.

Oh look! There are other people with eyeblack!

Beyonce is pushing the ‘agenda’ that she’s the halftime show. Escobar is being a homophobic asshole (‘Tu ere maricon’ means ‘you’re a faggot’). Neither were ‘mocking’ Christianity or Tebow, and frankly, if these ‘love your neighbor’ people are going to get their arms up over anything, how about you take on the creep who’s insulting people using ‘your’ schtick? How about you tell the really offensive people “Exodus 22:21” or “Deuteronomy 10:19” instead. Tool old school? “Mark 12:31”

No one’s mocking you with that commercial you morons. We’re mocking you now for being absolute idiots, though. Or at least I am. I know perfectly well that everything I do is not in support of the things in life I represent. If I eat an Apple, I’m not dissing Microsoft, just because I like Macintosh. If I debug Drupal, I’m not cheating on WordPress. But if I burn down someone’s house, it’s not because I’m gay, Jewish, use a Mac, like WordPress, or anything else. Just because you use those things as your excuse to misbehave doesn’t mean I ever will.

Here’s the truth: I have no agenda.

That’s it! My goal in life is to make the world a little better than when I came in, or at least as good as it was when I got here. My daily goal is to live with love and respect, to not disappoint the people who matter to me, and to personally take care of my health. I want to pet my cats, eat good food, be entertained, read, write, create, dance, laugh, and basically enjoy the world I’m in, because it’s the only one I get.

So please stop pushing your agenda on me, along with your fears and doubts. That’s all you, buddies, I’m just being me.