I get told not to be emotional a lot, and I’ve come to the decision that people can’t separate emotional behavior from passionate. There is a difference, and while the two certainly are closely related, they’re not the same.
I’m pretty argumentative, not for the sake of arguing, but because I can’t see just one side of the situation, and I’ll always point out both. At the same time, when I feel strongly about something, I dig in and discuss with loud words, hand gestures, and, yes, incisive commentary. None of that has to do with what people seem to think of as being ’emotional.’
Being passionate just isn’t the same as being emotional. You can be both, but they just aren’t the same. When you’re passionate, it’s because you know a lot about something, you understand it, can be objective about it, but really it’s something you know. When you’re emotional, you have a strong opinion, but you may not have the backing in all the information. Emotion is belief, passion is knowledge. They’re both very necessary for progress, though. Usually a great passion is fostered from a strong emotional connection. We feel strongly, we have passion, we do things. And it’s in that moment that we muddle up emotionalism and passions.
An emotional response is what I have when I say “I don’t like Windows.” It’s not that I think it’s bad, or I’m passionate about Macintosh, it’s that the feeling I get when I use Windows is icky. I don’t like the workflow, I don’t like how I feel when I use it.
A passionate response is what I have when I say “I don’t like Facebook.” I think it’s bad, I have enough knowledge about their security and treatment of users as the enemy that I don’t like them. I also have strong emotional feelings (the interface doesn’t work for me), but I’m far more passionate about disliking Facebook than disliking Windows.
I feel like I’m splitting hairs, but this is something I can grasp clearly in my head and fail to explain in any eloquence at all. And in part, I get passionate and sulky about the difference when someone waves their hand at me and says I’m being an emotional woman.
Why the hell is being emotional a ‘womanly’ trait and why is that a bad thing?
Now I’m emotional about it.
There’s nothing wrong with being either passionate or emotional, but we all get crap for being emotional, don’t we? Someone will tell us we’re not being strong, or we’re not thinking clearly, and frankly I think they’re all full of it. You can see clearly through your emotions some of the time (never all of the time, not for anyone). You can have emotions about something and not let it rule your head. But also you can be passionate and let it cloud your ability to see other options. They’re not opposites, they’re conjoined twins.
Stop telling people to stop being emotional, and learn to talk to them. “Hey, if feels like you’re getting riled up and defensive, and it’s putting me off a little.” Tell them how you feel. A lot of times, when someone gets really emotional at me, I’m a little scared and react thusly. But when I told someone “Dude, you’re scaring me a little, I think I need to step away for a minute” he was able to see why he was reacting the way he was, and we get along really well now. We took the time to learn how to communicate with each other.
Be passionate. Be emotional. But also carry with you that rational streak to know when you’ve gone over the top.