That’s brilliantly Gilliamesque

The stupid of my developers is only matched by the stupid of my India Consulting Firm.

At work, we tell people “If you want to be added to a project’s list of users, open a ticket with the project’s name listed under ‘PROJ’ and the list of users under ‘USERS’. Please only open one ticket for each project, though you can list up to 50 users per ticket.” Makes sense, right? Well eventually one fucker said “Add Joe Blow to Projects Fido, Rolf and Spot” in one ticket. So I replied “One Project per ticket, please.” And life moves on.

Today we get 15 tickets from that guy. Each one is for ONE person in ONE project. Really, all they want is to add the same 5 people to 3 projects. They only need 3 tickets! I’m about to correct this when my Indian consultant (an offshore/onshore consultant – that means he lives in the US and works in the US but is paid by his company in India) tells me ‘Please don’t! I need to prove I do work here, and my company counts how many tickets I do! This will let me not have to ask you for something to do today!’

I approve of this and we both giggle a lot.

Then I tell this saga to my online friends, one of whom coins the comment that is this post’s title. As he and I are chatting, I sum the situation at my office as follows:

I have an outsourced tech, who was hired to save the company money, being told that he can only keep his job by the number of tickets he CLOSES. At the same time, the other outsourced tech in other departments are being told to keep their jobs by opening more tickets. SO the developer’s outsource techs create more work for our support outsource techs to complete, fulfilling an endless cycle of busywork that I otherwise would have had to deal with, but now can ignore. While it is increasing the work twice over, it actually managed to DECREASE my work by a quarter. While it’s not saving the company any money, it’s helping me out.

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