It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I used to enter a Celeb Death Pool every year, with various rules created around fairness and evenhanded luck. The idea was to pick ten people, famous people, you thought would die in the year. I stopped playing in 2014 after Taffy died. She was my ringer. She was my secret.
2016 sucked so much, I’m bringing this fucker back.
This is an attempt to keep my own sanity when it comes to people I’ve watched my whole life. I’m not making light of death, though I do feel it’s an inevitability. Everyone dies. It sucks but they do. With that in mind, I am accepting death as a thing that will happen. It will hurt, it will be painful, and it will absolutely gut me. My god, if Mel Brooks dies? I will be fucked up.
But I can’t escape it, and I’m going to embrace this as much as I can, by making my death list and reminding myself of how much it’s going to suck when these people go. Well. Maybe not Kissinger.
Basically I’m grabbing death by the balls.
2017 Death Watch Rules
Pick 10 celebrities to be on your list. They must be alive as of Jan 1, 2017 and they must abide by the following:
- Lists are limited to 10. No more, no less.
- You may not change your lists once published.
- You may only pick one member of the following groups: Beatles, Monty Python, Original Charlie’s Angels, Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, Spinal Tap
- You may only pick one of each of the following pairs:
- Betty White OR Queen Elizabeth II
- James Earl Jones OR Morgan Freeman
- Tom Lehrer OR Henry Kissinger
- Angela Lansbury OR Kirk Douglas
- Mikhail Gorbachev OR Madeline Albright
- Cher OR Keith Richards
- Johnny Bench OR Pete Rose
You don’t have to pick any of the above, but if you do, abide by the rules please and thank you. In general, if two people worked closely together you can pick one or the other. And if two people are similarly viewed (Cher and Keith both being accused of immortality due to drugs and plastic), they cannot both be on your list.
The bit about Tom Lehrer and Kissinger is funny to about six of you.
If you’re wondering why is Betty White listed against the Queen of England and not, say, Angela Lansbury, it’s because they’re both weird. They’re both old and yet they appear to have made some deal with a devil or a god to remain in power. Therefore, much like the list of old used to have either Regan or Pope JPII, we have paired them up in perpetuity.
The goal is to have the most people on your list die.
- Betty White
- Paul McCartney
- Cicely Tyson
- Dame Maggie Smith
- Clint Eastwood
- Angela Lansbury
- Henry Kissinger
- Bob Dole
- Bob Barker
- Mel Brooks
- Carol Channing
- Doris Day
- Dick Van Dyke
- Olivia de Havilland
- Kirk Douglas
- Billy Graham
- Stan Lee
- Prince Phillip of England
- Keith Richards
Make your own lists and post them if you dare.
I will not judge you for them, but try to have them done by Jan 15th.
Oh and anyone who wants to insult me for this, keep it to yourself. We all deal with death in our own way. This is mine.