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Taffy Hates LeBron James

This started when he went to a baseball game and rooted for the Yankees, actually, a few years ago. She called me to ask if I could make a website to petition that LeBron James was an asshole, and tell people to boycott his brand. I’m sure right now she’s looking at ‘King’ James’ exodus from Cleveland to Miami as an ‘I told you so’ moment, with a dose of ‘good riddance.’

I don’t actually watch basketball, though I was JV Captain my freshman year. I have some crap basketball memories. But for me, Dan Gilbert (the owner of the Cavs) has possibly the best response to this whole fiasco. He cursed LeBron.

I will say this. It was really arrogant of LeBron to suck up an hour of our time, to say ‘I only made this decision this morning’ and to carry about like he was the center of the universe. Did I watch? Yes. Because I’m from Cleveland and I wanted to know what was going to happen to my poor city. I hope this isn’t the start of more ego-inflated asshattery from sports figures.

Oh, here’s what Dan Gilbert said. I quote it in Comic Sans MS because … he wrote it in this font!

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Source: Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert