I’m kinda bittersweet. Or as we midwesterners define that feeling of happy/sad, I’m very November.
Germans usually have good words for this, which they get by mashing up two words into one. The jokes made in a recent “How I Met Your Mother” aside, it’s true that they have a really beautiful and unique way of expressing two things at once. Like umweltverschmutzung (world pollution) or the common schadenfreude, they take two words and make it a new one. I feel like they should have one that explains this in between feeling I have, where I am really happy about what’s coming, a little scared, more nervous, somewhat sad, and very excited.
Some of my friends said I was feeling schadenfreude, but that doesn’t sound right to me. That’s more of a term to be enjoying someone else’s misery, in my experience, and I don’t feel that way at all. I just feel really, really, excited, and a little sad. I can count the meals left with my friends on one hand. I can count the hugs I’m getting from their kids, too. And I will miss them a lot.
I think my friends are feeling mudita, which is a really cool Buddhist word that means they feel joy for me. They’re not jealous or envious, and while they are sad, they’ve seen me grow into someone who can do this. I do know that they’re happy I’m happy, and even though we’re all sad about the parting of physical ways, we’re happy.
I’m still quite whelmed about everything, and yet still keeping up and even with with work and WordPress (mostly, sorry about the meetup Thursday). But I will soon be getting on a plane and flying out to California. And by soon I mean hours from now. Wednesday they picked up my car (it should be there Monday night, we get it back Tuesday).
I guess, in the end, you can call me Ishmael, as I find it high time to get to the sea:
Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.
What I will miss (in no order at all):
Friday nights with the Hubbits. For almost 5 years that’s been a constant for us, in rain or snow, we’ve tromped over for Shabbat dinner. Sometimes it’s just eat, hug, and run. Other times we play board games with the kids, tell horrible jokes and puns, or discuss the meaning of the universe. I love them and their kids. I will miss them a lot. I’ll also miss their extended network. So basically if you’ve ever been to their place, you’re included in this.
My family. I have three cousins in-state, Taffy in Ohio, my aunt and uncle in New York, and my other uncle and aunt in Toronto. Nearby enough is now too far. On the other hand, I have my mom a couple hours away in California, plus my step-brother, and my in-laws in Oregon. Just different relatives is all.
WordPress meetups. I love the Chicago WP folks. I will miss once a month hangouts. Also knowing I could pester my ChiWP friends is going to be missed.
My landlord. I cannot express enough how amazing he is. This guy is just awesome and is the very model of what landlords should be. Polite, conscientious, attentive, caring, and respectful. I should be so lucky to have one like him again, but I suspect this was a once in a lifetime chance.
The timezone. So shoot me, I love Central time. TV is an hour earlier, I’m in the middle of the US times so I can talk to West and East coast friends without much effort. The move will make it harder to talk to my WPBFF, Andrea. Yes, that makes me sad.
Wow. Is that really it? I’ve lost touch with many friends who’ve moved ahead of me, though not for lack of trying, and it’s not like my email or phone are changing. But really I’ll just be the same online person.